Had wedding; had sex; had me.
He was unhappy so he left.
Six months old. What’d I do?
Mom remarried and I was adopted.
Three siblings, an unhappy full house.
After five relocations, settled in Columbus.
Dad kicked to the curb; bye.
Dad remarried; woefully unprepared Step-Mom.
I’m 11 years old; chaos ensues.
Turns out Mom woefully unprepared too.
So I’m kicked to the curb.
Living with Dad and teen bride.
Moved again, away from my life.
Everything was bad, all bad. Depression.
Moved again. Horseheads, NY. Far, cold.
Happy! Good times in Horseheads! Finally!
Moved again. Back to bad place.
Life going downhill fast. Wrong crowd.
Teenage runaways, Patty and I. Awesome!
Greyhound bus, 24 hours. Jacksonville, FL.
Two weeks managed on our own.
Jobs, apartment, friends. Working out great!
Busted. Damn. To this day, damn.
Home. Family therapy. All wrong. Bad.
Dad angry, violent. Made me leave.
Nowhere to go. Mom said no.
One last hope: Grandmother in NC.
She said yes! Saved my life.
Goodbye Columbus, again. Hello Chapel Hill.
Grama was wonderful. Everything else, not.
Depression sets in, no surprise there.
Went to school, went to work.
Going through the motions. Life, meh.
Fell in love, left for Greensboro.
Turned 18; married within three weeks.
Bad idea, marriage. Loser and worse.
Divorced at 20. Now we’re talkin’!
Ah, single life. Took full advantage.
No college, no problem, good job.
Great career, sexual harrassment, PTSD now.
Depression diagnosed, finally medicated, changed everything.
Married Mr. Perfect. He still is.
Had three kids over six years.
Forties a blur, work, kids, repeat.
Boss retired, career ended, job hunting.
Crappy jobs, crappy people, got fired.
Fifties brought years of pain, heartache.
First suicide attempt. Failed that too.
Kids to college, never coming back.
Depression, PTSD, Anxiety/panic disorder. Miserable.
Tried everything. ECT, hospitalization, new medications.
Brutal disease, clinical depression. Nothing works.
Miss my kids. Cry every day.
Officially retired. Collecting disability. Sadly easy.
Spend most of my time alone.
A shell of my former self.
Trying so hard. Giving up soon.
Death by suicide voids life insurance.
Life isn’t fair. I get it.
Lonely. Guilty. Unmotivated. Failure. Burdensome. Hopeless.
Crappy mom, inattentive wife. Hate myself.
How much longer? I am ready.