I Missed Out

I Missed Out…..

I missed out on so much.

I missed out on a loving father-daughter relationship.

I missed out on a loving mother-daughter relationship.

I missed out on healthy sibling relationships.

I missed out on seeing my first love relationship to its fruition.

I missed out on going to college.

I missed out on celebrating a number of birthdays and holidays.

I missed out on being able to maintain lifelong friendships.

I missed out on a life not filled with anxiety and depression.

I missed out on healthy relationships with boyfriends.

I missed out on understanding and appreciating intimacy.

I missed out on acceptance.

I missed out on joy and celebrations.

I missed out on healthy working relationships with colleagues and bosses.

I missed out on being needed.

I missed out on being wanted.

I missed out on being respected.

I missed out on being appreciated.

And I missed out on being missed.

 

No, I was not an orphan.

I had a mother and a few stepmothers.

I had a father and an adopted father and a stepfather.

I had four siblings, none of whom I grew up with.

I had a life of being removed and replaced.

A life of being dismissed and disrespected.

A life of pain and loneliness.

A life without boundaries.

A life of confusion.

A life of misunderstanding.

A life of being misunderstood.

A life of conditional love.

A life of unhealthy relationships.

 

I missed out on so much.

And I don’t have a lot of life left to live; 

I have many more yesterdays than tomorrows.  

I learned too late to remove myself from the toxicity of the past.

 

But my life isn’t over yet.

I now have a life filled with unconditional love.

A life filled with unconditional love that I feel for others.

A life of being self taught through books and research and experience.

A life of experiencing current, healthy and ongoing relationships.

And I’m learning how to set boundaries.

I’m still learning how to appreciate all that I have now.

I’m still learning how to appreciate being me.

I’m still learning how to love being me.

I’m still learning…….